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Type: Posts; User: Joe Valencic

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    God and Adam

    God
    said, "Adam, I
    want you to do
    something for
    Me."
    Adam
    said, "Gladly,
    Lord, what do You
    want me to do?"
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    The origin of Irish River Dancing (This one's for...

    The origin of Irish River Dancing (This one's for you, Mikey!)

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m0rrLdWLu_0&feature=player_embedded
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    Why Can't I Own Canadians?

    Why Can?t I Own Canadians

    Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses
    advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that,
    as an observant Orthodox Jew,...
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    Know your hymmns?

    Here are a list of occupations and their hymns.


    Dentist's Hymn..................Crown Him with Many Crowns

    Weatherman's Hymn...There Shall Be Showers of Blessings

    Contractor's...
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    The Biker

    A man was riding his Harley along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head... In a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I...
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    Readhead

    A young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
    'Impossible!' says the doctor. 'Show me.'
    She took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and...
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    Junkman's fishing trip

    Junkman and his buddies were hanging out and planning an upcoming fishing trip.
    Unfortunately, he had to tell them that he couldn't go this time because his wife wouldn't let him. After a lot of...
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    World's Shortest Fairy Tale

    Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl 'Will you marry me?' The girl said, 'NO!' And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and...
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    Girls night out.

    The other night I was invited out for a night with the 'girls.'
    I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!'
    Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily....
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    Obituary

    Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has
    been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since
    his birth records were long ago lost in...
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    How to achieve peace & quiet...NOT!

    My wife has not spoken to me in three days. I think it has something to do with what happened on Sunday night when she thought she heard a noise downstairs.

    She nudged me and whispered, "Wake up,...
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    Five Minute Management Course

    5 minute management course
    Lesson 1:

    A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

    The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel...
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    Marriage Proposal

    Kurt was going out with a nice girl and finally popped the question. "Will you marry me, darling?" he asked.

    Lisa smiled coyly and said, "Yes, if you'll buy me a mink."

    Kurt thought for a...
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    For a price....

    After watching sales falling off for three straight months at Kentucky Fried Chicken, the Colonel calls up the Pope and asks for a favor.

    The Pope says, "What can I do?"

    The Colonel says, "I...
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    Italian Tomato Garden

    The Tomato Garden

    An old Italian man lived alone in New Jersey . He wanted to
    plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the
    ground was hard.

    His only son, Vincent,...
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    Puns for Educated minds

    1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

    2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an...
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    Feel like a woman

    On a recent transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm.

    The turbulence were awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular...
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    Spare me the details, friend. Spare me the...

    Spare me the details, friend. Spare me the details.:p
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    Italian boy's confession

    Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl".
    The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano ?"
    "Yes, Father, it is."
    "And who was the girl you were with?"
    "I can't tell...
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    I have some questions....

    If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape or shoplifting?


    Can you cry under water?


    How important does a person have to be before they are considered...
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    Three men in a sauna

    An American, a Japanese and a Canadian were sitting naked in a sauna when suddenly there was a beeping sound. The American pressed his forearm, and the beep stopped. The others looked at him...
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    Idiot Sighting

    IDIOT SIGHTING:
    > We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears
    > repairman told us that
    > one of our problems was that we did not have a
    > 'large' enough motor on the
    > opener. I thought...
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    What's your Southern Sign?

    OKRA (Dec 22 - Jan 20):
    Although you appear crude, you are actually very slick on the inside. Okras have tremendous influence. Older Okras can look back over life and see the seeds of influence...
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    O got yo Mama!

    Little Carol came into the kitchen where her mother was making dinner. Her
    birthday was coming up and she thought this was a good time to tell her
    mother what she wanted. "Mom, I want a bike for my...
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    Women

    Pregnancy Q &A &more!

    Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
    A: No, 35 children is enough.

    Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
    A: With any luck, right after he finishes...
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