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    An exceptionally cranky woman "in her twilight...

    An exceptionally cranky woman "in her twilight years" was arrested for shoplifting at a grocery store. She gave everyone a hard time, from the store manager to the security guard to the arresting...
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    A man was telling his neighbor ..... 'I just...

    A man was telling his neighbor .....

    'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's the state of the art. It's perfect.'

    The neighbor answered, 'Really, what kind...
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    Carmen: Did you hear about the Italian chef that...

    Carmen: Did you hear about the Italian chef that justa die?

    Johnny: Oh my, what happened?

    Carmen: Isa so sad ... he just pasta away.
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    The Pilot and the Priest A priest dies and...

    The Pilot and the Priest


    A priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket and jeans.


    Saint Peter...
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    A group of Alabama friends went deer hunting and...

    A group of Alabama friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned back to camp alone, staggering under the weight of an eight point buck....
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    A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled...

    A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then got back into the car to wait.
    A passerby...
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    Mind: "I'm worried." Heart: "Just relax." ...

    Mind: "I'm worried."

    Heart: "Just relax."

    Mind: "But, I'm totally lost now."

    Heart: "Just follow me."

    Mind: "But you've never been there before."
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    Little Johnny Strikes Again .... A grade...

    Little Johnny Strikes Again ....

    A grade school teacher asked her students to use the word "fascinate' in a sentence. Molly put up her hand and said, " My family went to my granddad's farm, and we...
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    Bran Muffins: The couple was 85 years...

    Bran Muffins:



    The couple was 85 years old, and had been married for sixty years. Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to the wife's insistence on healthy foods...
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    Klonsky's Shoe Repair Ira Kaplan hadn't...

    Klonsky's Shoe Repair



    Ira Kaplan hadn't returned to the old neighborhood since he went off to fight in Vietnam. During a business trip to New York he visited his old neighborhood on 170th...
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    > Cinderella is now 95 years old. > > After...

    > Cinderella is now 95 years old.

    >

    > After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits

    > upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front

    > porch, with a...
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    An avid golfer was involved in a terrible car...

    An avid golfer was involved in a terrible car crash and was rushed to the hospital. Just before he was put under, the surgeon popped in to see him.


    "I have some good news and some bad news,"...
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    Hello! Gordon's pizza? - No sir it's...

    Hello! Gordon's pizza? - No sir it's Google's pizza.



    - So it's a wrong number? Sorry



    - No sir, Google bought it.
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    Mujibar was trying to get a job in India. The...

    Mujibar was trying to get a job in India. The Personnel Manager said, 'Mujibar, You have passed all the tests, except one. It is a simple test of your English language skills. Unless you pass it,...
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    - The Italian Secret to a Long Marriage - ...

    - The Italian Secret to a Long Marriage -




    At St. Peter's Catholic Church in Toronto, they have a weekly husband's marriage seminars.

    At the session last week, the priest asked Joe...
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    A man is driving along a highway and sees a...

    A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road.
    He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car.
    The...
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    A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him,...

    A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, 'Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know to say one thing.'

    'What do they say?' the priest asked.

    They say,...
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    Well, a Girl Potato and Boy Potato had eyes for...

    Well, a Girl Potato and Boy Potato had eyes for each other, and finally they got married, and had a little sweet Potato, who they called 'Yam.' Of course, they wanted the best for Yam. When it...
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    A young ventriloquist is touring Norway and puts...

    A young ventriloquist is touring Norway and puts on a show in a small fishing town. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes. Suddenly, a blonde woman in the...
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    Her dog was in heat, but she agreed to look after...

    Her dog was in heat, but she agreed to look after her neighbor's male dog while the neighbor was on vacation. She had a large house and she believed that she could keep the two dogs apart.
    ...
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    Father to Son ~ An older gentleman was on the...

    Father to Son ~

    An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. He was about to get the anesthesia, he asked...
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    The boss walked into the office one morning not...

    The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open. His secretary walked up to him and said, "This morning when you left the house, did you close...
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    Ole & Sven One day Ole and Sven were paging...

    Ole & Sven

    One day Ole and Sven were paging through the Sears catalog and admiring all the beautiful models. Ole said to Sven, "Haf you seen da perdy girls in dis catalog?" Sven replied "Ya, dey...
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    here I was sitting at the bar staring at my...

    here I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.

    "Well, what are you gonna do about it?"...
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    MEMORY.... Brains of older people are slow...

    MEMORY....

    Brains of older people are slow because they know so much. People do not decline mentally with age, it just takes them longer to recall facts because they have more information in...
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